If I'd Known Then

A very close friend of mine recently gave me a book. 

Well, one would know that I was in a rut at that moment because why else would my girl throw me a book helplessly and shamelessly categorised under "Self Help"..Anyways, I took a chance and I thought I would start this.

"If I'd Known Then" is actually a sequel to the 2008 New York Times bestseller, "What I Know Now", edited by Ellyn Spragins. The theme of both books is that if you could write a letter back through time to your younger self, what would the letter say. The book compiles letters from remarkable women the likes of Maya Angelou, Madeleine Albright, Queen Nor of Jordan, Ann Curry just to name a few. 

Writing a letter to my younger self seemed like a good idea, until I actually sat down to write it.  What started as a fun, senseless thing to do turned into a few days of soul searching and honest reflection which I would avoid at all cost. At first I tried to get out of the whole thing and quite sneakily I would say. I knew this was coming up, I actually have the whole weekend dedicated to this, but by Saturday, I was desperately trying to get out of the situation that I single handedly put myself in. I tried to see if I could have gone out for dinner or drinks, but I thought, you know what? Done. I've dodged the bullet long enough and it's time I face the one person I have been eluding-myself. 

So here goes. 

*Disclaimer:- This letter is written sincerely to myself and if it offends anyone in any manner, I'm not apologizing for it. 

Hey Kid,

Listen. 15 years is a very long time and I want you to know some things that I wish you had known then.

Of Boys and Love

You’re delusional. Romeo and Juliet are fucktards who killed themselves over love. That’s hardly romantic. It’s shallowness at its best. In the next 15 years, you will learn that boys are awful and they are made of absolutely nothing but hormones until they learn to grow brains or balls for that matter. So, please, don’t ever think that you’re in it forever or commit yourself overly to a person. 

He’s never the one if you have doubts nagging inside your head. Thinking that you might be able to change someone is foolishness. No man that is worth you is ever going to need any change. He won’t be perfect but he will just be right.

Don’t get too hung up over any guy. It’s never the end of the World though you will go through your fair share of heartaches. Years down the road, the World will make a success story out of a girl who wrote and sang a song about someone like him too. 

And let me assure you that when “Someone like you” hits the music industry like a tidal wave, you will relive every word and you will smile. That’s when you will allow yourself to admit that you’re truly glad that things turn out the way it did. And would you change your path? No, you would not even if you can. 

So if he’s a douche bag, drop it like it’s hot. And if he gives you attitude, pop it like it’s hot. 

Please do not ever pick up the habit of drunk dialing or texting your exes. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are, because when you wake up the next day, it’s hardly funny. And it's always such a tedious job trying to convince the idiot that you were just submitting yourself to a moment of nitwittedness and that you don't actually want him back. 

Another thing, years down the road, your exes are going to want to get back. You would want to remember why it never worked out in the first place. If all else fails, please refer to their Pros and Cons list (yes you have one). DNR. Okay? DO NOT RESUSCITATE. Getting together with an ex is like going to a yard sale and buying your own crap back. Hardly smart and very distasteful.  

Girl, you better recognize the game. 

There’s a reason they would remain the best thing you never had. Trust me. 

And always remember, Sharon, down the road, you’ll find that your taste is going to become more sophisticated. And what might seem to be the perfect fit to you now will be nothing but mediocrity in the future. 

Of Self Esteem and Everything Nice

You’re beautiful. Own it and live it, please, I beg of you. The beginning of the millennium gives nothing back to real women and girls everywhere. In years to come, you will learn that women everywhere are starting to embrace their curves and their natural beauty. 

You will learn to love the gym and the results that come with it and you will love doing nothing but the best for yourself. Sure, you cheat here and there, and some days you just want to laze around with your jammies. The weight comes off and on like a rollercoaster but guess what? You’re having fun. That’s what is most important and I need you to be a little bit kinder to yourself. 

And oh one more thing. Please don’t ever cut your hair short. You will end up looking like a trainwreck. Trust me. Because I did. 

Of Family and Friends

Give your brother a call. Hug him just one more time and hold on just a little longer. Remember his smile and his twinkling laugh. Spend a little more time with him. Give him whatever he asks of you. For he will give you the most painful, unrelenting and ruthless of all heartbreaks. 

You will spiral out of control and you will sink to your knees every night. And you will never ever feel any agony greater than this. The day he leaves you to be with God will be the day you change forever.

But you will have friends and family to see you through. True friends who will allow you to cry just a little longer. Friends who believe that they will see you through the darkest time in your Life and friends who stayed with you as you literally tore your own Life apart. Friends who watched quietly by the side as you allow yourself to be devoured by the blackness. And when you feel like you’re done destroying whatever is left of you, there they are, ready to catch you.

Of Life and Lemonades

You’ll learn that Life will ultimately be what you make of it. So please don’t drag your feet around. Be present in every moment and feel. Don’t survive it. Live it.

Eventually you’ll learn your lessons the hard way. Everyday you’ll need to fight for your future somethings. A thousand little wars you have to choose. But I’ll tell you, that when you finally graduate from the School of Hard Knocks with flying colours, you’ll prefect the art of fending for yourself. Remember that no matter how heavy boots you get, tilt your head back, shoulders square, back straight, chin up and one chic, refined heel in front of the other, and strut. Not walk, kid. Strut it like you just don’t care.

When Life hands you lemons, don’t be a retard and make lemonades. Throw them back, dust it out and move on. There’s no reason to make lemonades. You’ll never learn to like lemonades anyway. Still a beer kinda girl. 

So kid, that’s all I have for now. Be good to yourself and mostly importantly don’t always be so hard on yourself. And when you make mistakes, please for the love of God, forgive yourself. Whoever created the word “Perfect” is a narcissist. 

Seeing the sun on you,

Miss Much Classier and Sophisticated